Just throw a dart at a map and go

Lately I've been entertaining thoughts of running away. Not on vacation, but truly running away. Putting only what I truly need and love into a couple of suitcases, grabbing the dog and her kennel and going someplace I've never lived before. New job. New life. Everything new and shiny.

I know this isn't good. When I get in a funk, I don't entertain thoughts of hurting myself or suicide. I don't drink to get drunk. Instead I entertain thoughts of running away. It's escapism in a different form. 'Cause really, that's what all these thoughts and behaviors are about: escape. Right now I want to escape my life. So I fantasize about running away and what my shiny new life would be like.

I know intellectually it's just a geographic cure, and what's really bothering me deep down and the frustration I'm feeling can't be cured by a move. But lately the idea of a shiny new life someplace else, where I can start fresh and reinvent myself and my life, is so appealing I find myself imagining where I would go, what I would do. What state I want to live in this time. What city. Maybe a different country or continent. Maybe a new career. Maybe something that doesn't involve libraries at all.

Then reality smacks me upside the head and I'm back sitting in front of my computer staring at yet another spreadsheet, a resource with a problem of some sort, and four new emails.

Hmm. Maybe Europe...I've never been to Europe...

Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day. 3:00pm Eastern time is the official national moment of remembrance.

So, take a moment to turn off the music. Take a break from the grill and your barbecue. And say thank you to the soldiers that are fighting today over in Iraq and Afghanistan and all the other places our soldiers are around the world. And say thank you to the troops that died fighting and to their families that made the ultimate sacrifice and lost a loved one.

Whether you agree with the politics or not, support the troops.

Snap judgment

I went out on a coffee date recently with a nice guy. We'd emailed a handful of times and then met for a face to face chat to start getting to know each other. I thought things went fine, the conversation flowed smoothly, no awkward pauses, we seemed to have plenty to talk about and plenty of things in common.

Well, he decided that things would never work. After only one meeting and a handful of emails. He even explained why.

Because I vote.

To him, the fact that I vote indicates that I believe in our current political system and he can never be close to someone that does. Mind you, he never actually asked me about my political views. Instead he drew this conclusion through several assumptions and by inferring various things from emails and our conversation. I used a buzz word when I described something (what isn't a buzz word these days?). I asked him if he voted in an email. It happened to be the PA primary that day, so it was a topic of conversation all over the news, and in addition to the primary there were several ballot measures up for the vote.

My political views, however, are not as simple as he thinks they are. He would know this if he had asked instead of making a snap judgment based on assumption.

As you all know, I'm a big proponent of voting. It's important to exercise your right to vote, to exercise your voice. And I will continue to vote until they forcibly take the right away from me by prying it from my (still warm) dead hands. I'm grateful I live where I do have the right to voice my opinion. But that doesn't mean I believe in our system as it exists today. Our system is broken. Our system is imperfect and flawed. But it's what we have to work with right now. And to change it, you have to participate. You can't change things while sitting on the sidelines. You have to use your voice, even within our broken system, to push for the things you do believe in. If you choose not to participate, then shut up and deal with the outcome. Don't get all high and mighty and lecture me about how the system sucks. I've said it before, by choosing to not participate you've given up your right to b!tch and moan about the way things turn out and the way things are. To put it another way, if you don't participate by choice, then you become nothing but a victim. I don't want to go through life as a victim, thankyouverymuch, so I choose to participate in an imperfect/messed up system in an attempt to make it better. I prefer to be active and try rather than just exist as a passive victim of the system. [OK, getting off my soapbox now. Thank you for indulging me.]

Frankly, I'm kind of glad he made the decision quickly. Looks like we agree on one thing: it clearly wouldn't work. I now know that for sure. Because I could never be with someone willing to make such a snap judgment and jump to conclusions based on nothing more than assumption. I could never be with someone so closed minded or someone that could only be with someone if they agree on everything (sameness is boring...I prefer a diversity of opinions). I could never be with someone that didn't take the time to actually ask and learn about a person before making a decision.

Obviously he and I approach the world very very differently. And that's OK. He's still a nice guy, despite the fact he made a snap judgment about me that happened to be quite wrong. But he was definitely right that it would never have worked out.

Drama at the bus stop

I arrived at the bus stop this morning to raised voices and obvious excitement. Ah...high school drama. Gossip. Loyalty. Emotions and hormones running high. This morning's drama can be summed up in the following quote:

"I'm not going to go to school mad. I don't give a f**k what she says because I know who I f**k."

Then the conversation turned to the upcoming prom.

What a way to start a Thursday.

On the hunt

I'm hunting. But not for a date. For a new apartment. I need to move for many reasons. My current lease is up the end of July, so now is the time.

My needs are simple. But they're specific. It's that specificity that's causing me problems.

*First and foremost, I need a place that allows dogs. With Aussie getting older and her arthritis getting worse, a first floor would be ideal, but if the stairs aren't too steep and/or they're carpeted, we can deal with a second floor. Third floor (or higher) is out of the question for her unless there's an elevator involved.

*No studios. There must be at least one good sized bedroom. Honestly, what I really want is 2 bedrooms. I do have people that visit, and I don't want my guests (or me if I give them my bed) to have to sleep in the middle of the living room. This is negotiable, however, if the space is large enough to carve out distinct areas in the main living space or there's a dining room. But a minimum of one bedroom is a firm requirement.

*I need a decent and functional kitchen. I cook. And I really enjoy cooking. Therefore, I need a decent and functional kitchen. I've lived with a galley style kitchen before, and while I survived, once was enough, I'm not going there again. Decent counter space, a full sized stove, and room to move around are all kitchen requirements. [I'd love to have a dishwasher, but that's not a requirement.]

*I need a decent amount of space. I have an upright piano. And a couch. I'd like them both to fit in my living space at the same time. You think I'm joking but this has been an issue in at least two places I've looked at recently. Decent space also includes decent storage. One place had replaced the hall closet with the refrigerator to make more room in the kitchen, effectively nixing that storage space and leaving only two smallish closets in the bedrooms for everything. Points for creativity, but no hall closet and no alternative storage option to replace it is a problem. Have I mentioned recently I have a lot of stuff? Well, I do.

*I either need laundry in my apartment or in the building. I've lived both with and without laundry in my building, and with pets (like children), I've learned it is for the best if it's close by for those 2am emergency washes (if you have a pet or a child you know what I'm talking about).

*I have a budget. I've figured out how much I'm willing to pay both if utilities are included and if they are not included. Given my current gas bill, this is not a small margin of difference.

*I don't want to move far outside the city. I'd prefer to keep riding my bike to work, but I'm willing to negotiate as long as public transit is a viable option. I refuse to move somewhere that I'd have to drive in to work.

I find the most frustrating of the above requirements is regarding my dog. Now, Aussie is not a "small" dog. She's not quite 50 pounds. But she's not big. True to her Basset Hound parentage she's just solid. There are many places that allow dogs, but they often have a weight limit. This weight limit is usually between 25 and 35 pounds, effectively taking Aussie out of the running. Effectively taking any Basset Hound or Basset mix out of the running, actually.

So for now I continue to check Craigslist for new postings, make phone calls and hope someone actually returns my call (sometimes yes, sometimes the message disappears into the ether), look at places, and pray I find a place soon. If you have any leads, let me know.

Annoyed

I'm annoyed. And not at or with something or someone in particular. I'm annoyed in general. Little things are driving me up the wall. I offer a laundry list of annoyances:

*It took my landlady a week to get back to me about the leaky window. It has rained since I first reported it last Friday. And yes, the window leaked again. She and the handyman (yes, the one I refuse to deal with unless either she or her partner supervise him) came by to fix the problem today. If this repair is like the other ones, I'm not holding my breath.

*Last night the ice cream truck that circulates around the neighborhood stayed in one spot for OVER TWO HOURS while continuously playing that damn music. And it was parked only about two doors down. Even with the TV turned way up I couldn't escape the music. I thought I was going to lose my mind. If I have to hear "Do your ears hang low" one more time...

*I send emails and leave voice messages with people advertising apartments that seem to disappear into the ether. I want to see your place so I can possibly give you money, so why won't you return my messages?! I don't get it.

*I can't manage to actually complete anything. I keep getting interrupted with something else that demands attention at that moment, and inevitably before I finish the "new" task, there's another one interrupting me.

*Drivers seem to be exceptionally rude. I had one honk at me yesterday before speeding by so close the breeze from the vehicle unsettled me...on a one way road with two lanes. I guess they were too lazy to change lanes to go around me, the chick on the bike riding uphill. Today I had one speed up to pass me so they could turn right directly in front of me. Of course, they had to stop at the red light first. And I had to basically slam on my breaks (not easy to do on a bike) to keep from hitting the side of their car. Then they yelled at me to be careful. WTF?!?

And this is the short list. I could go on.

When you add up all the little annoyances, I end up just generally annoyed at the world.

It's baack!

The leak that is. The same window in the dining room that I had problems with last fall is now leaking again. If you remember, in October I came downstairs one morning to find a ceiling tile on top of the dog kennel in that corner. And I had water that was coming in at the top of the window as well. They resealed the roof with some roofing tar, and caulked around the window on the inside. We thought that fixed the problem.

Well, the caulking didn't hold. On Friday I had water coming down the inside of my window when it was bucketing rain. It appears to be coming in where the window frame meets the house. The seal just isn't very good and the caulk didn't fix it. I don't know if the problem is limited to the seal around the window or if there's more going on. So once again I have everything out of that corner. Just in case. Aussie doesn't need more tiles falling on her kennel or water from the window leak splashing into her kennel and soaking her bedding. She's perturbed that her "room" has been moved to a location where she can't see the front door and her ability to survey the entire first floor is limited, but oh well.

It rained all day today and the rag towels I have draped on the windowsill and on the floor around the radiator (which is right below the window) are damp again. So the window is clearly leaking again. Now I'm just waiting for the ceiling to fall down so I know if the roof has issues this time or if it's limited to the window. Let's hope it's just the window.

I think this place is starting to fall down around my ears. Good thing it's a rental. I think it's time to move to a new place, don't you agree?

Good friends and good food

CH and I had lunch at S'MAC on Saturday. All they do is mac and cheese. And OMG. A cast iron pan of creamy goodness. Fantastic.

I ordered the "major munch" size of the Parisienne. Brie, roasted figs, mushrooms and rosemary. Topped with breadcrumbs and baked until the top got all crusty and brown and the inside bubbled. Very much a "grown up" mac 'n' cheese. Incredibly good. And incredibly rich. I couldn't finish it. I think even if I had gotten the smaller "nosh" size I wouldn't have been able to finish it. It was that rich and creamy. The mushrooms and rosemary were delicious with the brie. And the roasted figs added this amazing sweet surprise. I wondered how the sweet figs would pair with the cheese, but they cut through the creaminess of the brie very nicely.

CH chose the Cheeseburger. Definitely a throwback to childhood comfort food with a nice crunchy top crust. Very tasty, and not quite as rich. I think it was the brie that made the Parisienne so intense.

After stuffing our stomachs, we either needed a nap or a walk. We opted for the walk. As we wandered around, we happened upon a street fair on 2nd Ave. in the East Village. A good 6 or so blocks were filled with people and random tents of food (no thanks...still full) and various crafts, jewelery, music, clothing and pretty much anything else you can think of. I think my favorite tent was the one called "Interesting Things" and had everything from tape measures to tweezers! Definitely and interesting mix of things.

Later that afternoon my friend EH and his fiancee were having a gathering on a bar up in the Murray Hill area. Over dinner last night, CH's friend had mentioned a fabulous international market in the same area. So we hopped on the subway and headed up to Midtown. We found our way to Kalustyan's and wow! The place was packed to the gills with bins, endless varieties of curries, spices, and pretty much anything else you can think of. I had been looking for a spice blend called Ras el Hanout for a Moroccan chicken recipe and had been unable to find it. Kalustyan's had it. In four sizes and two brands. Amazing. It was a bit overwhelming actually, and I was glad I had something specific to find. I think I could have wandered aimlessly for hours otherwise. I did see as I was leaving that they had chocolate covered ginger in a bin...yum. Next time.

We left Kalustyan's and headed for the Rare View bar on the roof of the Shelburne Hotel to meet up with my friend EH and meet his fiancee. I was so fantastic to see EH, as it had been way way too many years. He and K are getting married in October here in the U.S., but since they both work in another country, this was the only opportunity to meet K before the wedding. I'm so glad I did. K is great. And it's wonderful to see my friend EH so happy. He and K are awesome people and they seem to be good for and to each other and balance each other quite well. So congratulations to them and I'm so excited and happy for them!

After all that walking, CH and I opted for some hang out time with the dog (Aussie as always followed CH around endlessly, it's so cute!). Some good Indian naninis and hockey playoffs (go Detroit Red Wings!!) rounded out the day perfectly. It was a much needed weekend full of time with good friends and some really good food and general downtime away from work. I'm ready to face the next week now.

Overheard

Walking through a street fair up and down 2nd Ave. in the East Village:

"Go back to the Midwest where everything is quiet."

Um, yeah, right.

Re-learning a lesson

So I'm up in NYC for the weekend with my dog staying with my friend CH. He's gracious enough to let me crash on his futon. Actually, I think it's all about my dog, and he just puts up with me to see her. Figures. The purpose of this trip is to see my friend EH and meet his fiancee. It's also nice to spend some time and hang out with CH as we're both so busy that it doesn't happen very often.

Anyway, last night we met up with a couple of his friends for dinner at Great Jones Cafe. They have excellent cajun style food like gumbo and jambalaya. Their pulled pork sandwich was fantastic. So were the crayfish we split as an appetizer.

We also had margaritas. Good margaritas. Tequila and I don't generally get long, to the point that I had a no tequila rule for 2007 (the result of a night involving too many tequila shots). But, since they're known for their margaritas, I figured I'd give it a try and just not go overboard. No shots. Just a couple of nice margaritas (stopping at two).

Mistake. Big big mistake.

I have now re-learned my lesson. NO TEQUILA. Ever. It's not about how much tequila I drink. It doesn't matter, it's going to make me sick/nauseous.

I'm not going to forget again. This is not a lesson I particularly want to keep re-learning.

People I know on the radio!

Mornings with Margaret Throsby: 6 May 2008

My mom's partner Philip C. Almond on the radio! He and Margaret Throsby discuss religious thought and belief, both historically and today. They also talk about his latest book, the Witches of Warboys, which is all about witchcraft in Elizabethan England as exemplified in one witch trail. It's received excellent reviews. The discussion is interspersed with music chosen by Philip.

Philip is a Emeritus Professor of Studies of Religion at the University of Queensland in Brisbane, Australia. He is also an excellent cook.

How cool!! Go Philip!